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Bûyîna hevalbendê bêkêmasî ne hêsan e. Lê ev ne hewce ye! Em gişt bêkêmasî ne, û peywir ji dêvla mezinbûn û "teqandina" îstîxbarata xweya hestyarî ye: şiyana danûstendinê, avakirina têkiliyan û çareserkirina nakokiyên derketine. Li vir hin delîl hene ku hûn di wê de baş in.
Gelek zewac bi hevjînan re li ofîsa terapîstê xwe dipeyivin ku ew çiqas ji pevçûnên bêdawî, ji fikarên ku qet ji wan dernakeve û ji sermaya ku ji valahiya ku di navbera wan de çêdibe westiya ne. Psîkologê klînîkî Karen Nimmo amaje dike ku ev bi gelemperî di malbatên ku her du hevjînek bi îstîxbarata hestyarî ya bilind re ne diyar e.
Lêbelê, "dravdan" bi tevahî ne rast e. Bê guman, dilşewatiya xwerû û ezmûna jiyana di malbata dêûbav de pir girîng e, lê hûn dikarin taybetmendiyên pêwîst di xwe de derxînin, dibêje Karen Nimmo. Lê hûn çawa dizanin ku hûn li ser çi bisekinin? Û meriv çawa diyar dike ku hûn jixwe hevkarek pir gihîştî ne?
1. Hûn bi hestyarî berdest in û di qulikê de xwe venaşêrin
There is no doubt — most of us sometimes need to be alone in order to recover, recover, collect our thoughts. And in such cases, it is quite normal to move away from your partner for a while. However, you don’t run away, hide, and leave your partner wondering what happened. On the contrary, you openly talk about your need for solitude. And the rest of the time, when there is a resource, you are open, ready to communicate and help your partner if he or she needs support.
2. Hûn bi xwe fêm dikin
Even if you are overwhelmed by emotions and you react to the situation in one way or another, you continue to be aware of what is happening. You know your own triggers, vulnerabilities, weaknesses. In other words, there is no «pig in a poke» inside you. You know who you are and you accept yourself.
3. Tu xwedî rêzek hestyarî ya dewlemend e.
Rewş û bûyerên cihêreng di nav we de hest û reaksiyonên têr derdixe holê ku hûn netirsin û dudilî nebin ji wan re, her çend ew xemgînî, xemgînî an jî tirs be. Hûn dizanin ku meriv çawa bextewar be û ji jiyanê kêfê bike.
4. Hûn dikarin bi çavên yekî din li rewşê binêrin
How do you do it? You listen carefully, delving into the meaning of what you hear and not being distracted by extraneous factors. You are not in a hurry with judgments — it is much more important for you to understand the interlocutor and his feelings about what happened. You remember that we are all different, and you accept your partner as he is, with his reactions and views, even if they are fundamentally different from yours.
5. Şer we û têkiliya we tune nake.
First of all, because you «fight» honestly and do not get personal. You do not throw accusations and take criticism adequately, without immediately becoming defensive and denying everything. And if you realize that you were wrong, sincerely apologize, and do it right away. A quarrel for you is not a reason to think that everything is over, you have to disperse and next to you is simply not the right person. You are capable of dialogue and of finding healthy ways to resolve the situation.
6. Hûn di bertekên xwe de domdar in.
Your partner is not forced to guess every evening who he will see on the doorstep today, and adapt to you and your mood. If you are angry or upset, there is always a good reason for it, but your loved one is not afraid of your emotions — for example, anger.
7. Hûn bi xwe bawer dikin ku hûn mirovek baş û hevkar in.
Hûn ji dil bawer in ku hûn in û hûn heq dikin ku hûn baş werin derman kirin. Belkî, bêyî vê yekê, ne gengaz e ku meriv têkiliyek saxlem biafirîne.