Her tiştê ku di derbarê zayînê de ji me veşartiye

I will insult the midwife .. And my partner!

We may be the nicest girl on earth, when it comes to pain, no one reacts the same … Thus, some women, even the most polite and self-effacing, start to insult their partner copiously or swear like carts. during childbirth. Don’t panic, caregivers are well aware of this mechanism, especially if you don’t have an epidural. We are reassured, when we know that neuro-psychologists have observed that swearing when it hurts diverts the brain from the pain. So… shall we let go? For the shy ones, it is even possible to do it in their head, and it works too!

To support the contractions and distract the brain’s attention, you can also practice sophrology, hypnosis, etc.

I will become an animal again

If there is a moment when our animality is remembered to us, it is during childbirth. 

“All female mammals that give birth isolate themselves in a quiet place, in the dark,” explains Nicolas Dutriaux, midwife. “During a home birth, the expectant mother puts herself in sometimes acrobatic positions to help the baby come out: because it is she who knows / feels how her baby must progress to come out. The cries she can make are deep and throaty, very powerful. 

On the other hand, when we give birth in the maternity ward, we tend to deny this “knowledge” of the future mother. At the hospital, protocols constrain this freedom. »Even if it is less and less true and that the teams 

do their best to allow this freedom for women to follow and express their feelings …

I’m going to have hypersthirst

What a torment to see your boyfriend quietly drinking from a gourd when you are only entitled to a little mist! Some French maternities continue to prohibit eating or drinking during childbirth. To prevent, in the event of general anesthesia (extremely rare with the arrival of spinal anesthesia) that the contents of the stomach do not rise and does not spread in the lungs. However, in 1996, the French Society of Anesthesia (confirmed by the HAS in 2017) had authorized drinking, especially sugary drinks, during labor, considering that the risk was sufficiently minimal not to deprive parturients of water during the (very) physical effort of childbirth, and this regardless of the time of labor and expulsion. “It’s like asking a soccer player not to eat or drink before a game, or that you refuse to operate on a car accident… just because he leaves the restaurant!” », Quips Nicolas Dutriaux.

I am going to throw up

What are the “beans” for, those little tin or cardboard basins that you find in the mater? To collect the vomit of the patients! A number of us vomit during the different phases of labor, especially as the baby approaches. Paradoxically, this is rather good news. Indeed, even if it is very unpleasant, the effort of vomiting, by increasing the abdominal pressure, can help baby to progress and even precipitate childbirth.

I find my baby hypermoche (And I’m ashamed to think so!)

But what is this shell skull? And that red color like a lobster? Give me back my real baby! (The one in the Baby Cadum ad.) For most of us, there is a gap between the dreamed baby, which was in our womb, and the real baby that we discover. This gap is further accentuated in some women who experience childbirth in a daze (we say dumbfounded). It is then very difficult for them to reconnect with their baby once they are out. No need to worry, there is nothing to be ashamed of: just talk to a perinatal professional (psychologist, etc.) who is sensitive to these questions. Everything will return to order quickly … and we will find that our child is the most beautiful. (Or not! LOL!)

I will be very lonely

We dreamed of a caring team, but the reality is quite different. In French maternity hospitals, birth professionals usually manage three or four deliveries at the same time. “The midwife also sometimes manages the emergency consultations, and she is sometimes alone to make the entries of high-risk pregnancies. “In this case, it is difficult not to feel alone and abandoned, especially if our companion cannot accompany us, Covid-19 obliges. “It’s problematic, says Nicolas Dutriaux, because stress increases the production of cortisol, which inhibits natural oxytocin. This hormone helps in the good progress of labor. The fear associated with this isolation can increase working hours. ”

I will poop during the last phase of labor

Glamor hello! As it begins to descend into the pelvis in the last phase of labor, the baby’s head presses on the colon. A bit like a tube of toothpaste, it brings down the feces that are there. “ A few days before childbirth, there is an acceleration of transit, and most of the time, the quantities are minimal ”, explains Nicolas Dutriaux. If that happens, don’t panic, the midwives will manage, using hot compresses, they will clean us quickly. If it really blocks us, we can ask for a prescription for a laxative suppository to evacuate just before going to give birth.

I can have an orgasm

Orgasmic childbirth is coming, it’s not a myth. feeling pleasure during labor, even having an orgasm when the baby comes out, is possible. How? ‘Or’ What ? Childbirth involves the same organs… and the same hormones as during sexual intercourse. It may be shocking, but if the couple is in their bubble, if we feel them open on the issue, we advise the woman to masturbate, to distract the brain from the pain. All means are good !

* If the subject interests us, we read “You will give birth in ecstasy” at Mama Éditions, from Dr Marie-Pierre Goumy, general practitioner, who has experimented with it!