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Anyone who has been through a divorce knows how difficult the experience of separation can be. However, if we find the strength to rethink what happened, then we build new relationships differently and feel much happier with a new partner than before.
Everyone who tried to build a new relationship spent a lot of time thinking and talking about it with loved ones. But one day I met a man who helped me look at it in a new way. I will say right away — he is over eighty, he was a teacher and coach, so many people shared their life experiences with him. I also cannot call him the greatest optimist, but rather a pragmatist, not prone to sentimentality.
This man told me, “The happiest couples I have ever met found each other in remarriage. These people responsibly approached the choice of the second half, and they perceived the experience of the first union as an important lesson that allows them to rethink many things and move on a new path.”
This finding interested me so much that I began to ask other women who had remarried if they felt happier. My observations do not claim to be scientific research, these are just personal impressions, but the optimism that I drew deserves to be shared.
Live by the new rules
The main thing that almost everyone recognized was that the “rules of the game” completely change in the new relationship. If you felt dependent and led, then you have the opportunity to start with a clean slate and act as a more confident, self-fulfilling person.
Living with a new companion helps you see more clearly the inner barriers that we have created for ourselves.
You stop constantly adjusting to your partner’s plans and build your own. After all, if a woman got married 10-20 or more years ago, many of her priorities and desires, life plans and internal attitudes have changed.
If you or your partner could not grow and develop together, then the appearance of a new person can free you from long-obsolete sides of your «I».
In a new relationship with new forces
Many women spoke of the feeling of devastation and powerlessness to change anything that was shackling in their first marriage. Indeed, it is difficult to move forward in an emotionally draining relationship in which we feel miserable.
In the new alliance, we certainly face a different set of difficulties and compromises. But if we managed to process the experience of the first marriage, then we enter the second with a more constructive attitude towards the inevitable challenges that we will face.
Experience profound personal change
We suddenly suddenly understand: everything is possible. Any changes are within our power. Based on my experience, I jokingly paraphrased the saying: “A dog living in the middle of life can be taught new tricks!”
I learned many happy stories of women who, in new relationships after forty, discovered sensuality and sexuality in themselves. They admitted that they had finally come to accept their body, which had previously seemed imperfect to them. Rethinking the experience of the past, they went towards a relationship in which they were valued and accepted for who they are.
Stop waiting and start living
The women interviewed admitted that living with a new partner helped them to see more clearly the internal barriers that they had created for themselves. It seems to us that if the things we dream about happen — lose weight, get a new job, move closer to parents who will help with the children — and we will gain the strength to change the rest of our lives. These expectations are not justified.
In a new union, people often stop waiting and begin to live. Live for today and enjoy it to the fullest. Only by recognizing what is really important and necessary for us in this period of life, we get what we want.
About the Author: Pamela Sitrinbaum is a journalist and blogger.