Contents
After parting, we are overcome by longing, regret, a feeling of loneliness and alienation, tormented by mental pain. We are desperately trying to find a way to forget past love and move on. What prevents our broken heart from healing?
“We have a natural need to avoid pain, so often our psyche develops certain protective beliefs,” explains life coach Craig Nelson. “They can alleviate suffering in the most difficult period, but, unfortunately, they can complicate our lives in the future.”
If you’ve been through a relationship breakup recently, beware of some unhealthy thought patterns that can do you a lot of harm.
1. Dûrketin
You may have thoughts like “all men/women are the same”, “everyone worthy is already taken”, “they all need only one thing”.
Such beliefs give you a reason to avoid dating potential partners. You are unconsciously trying to exclude yourself from the risk of a new relationship in which you can again have your heart broken. Alas, the result is alienation and loneliness.
2. Self-blame
Another dangerous mistake is to start self-flagellation. Trying to understand why the relationship broke up, you take full responsibility for yourself and begin to look for flaws in yourself that allegedly pushed your partner away from you. This is how you undermine your self-esteem and self-confidence.
If you manage to avoid unfair self-accusations, you will have the opportunity to soberly assess the ended relationship and learn important lessons for yourself that will become the basis for further growth and development.
Here are three tips to help you leave the past in the past and move on.
1. Don’t forget why you broke up
Make a list of all your ex’s shortcomings. Describe everything that you did not like about him: manners, habits, inappropriate treatment of you, and so on.
Focus on the negative aspects of your relationship. This will help you not to fall into the trap and start to feel nostalgic about «lost love».
2. Make a list of your own strengths
If you’re still struggling and struggling to get over the breakup, ask close friends and family to list what they think are your best qualities.
You should not think that they will openly lie and flatter you in the hope of doing something pleasant. You wouldn’t do that, would you? So take them seriously.
3. Do not regret what happened
“There are no mistakes. Yes, you heard right. Look at it this way: “mistake” is your life experience that helps you remember who you really are,” says Craig Nelson.
Now, after a breakup, you have the opportunity to truly understand yourself and strengthen your self-esteem. Spend more time self-development. Perhaps you kind of lost yourself in the relationship, and that’s the reason it broke up.
“Remember that in love you deserve only the best. In the meantime, it’s time to learn to truly love yourself. Yes, recovering from a loss is hard, but the pain will pass, and you will definitely be able to start a new, healthy and happy relationship, ”Nelson is sure.
About the author: Craig Nelson is a life coach.