Being in quarantine with loved ones is both a pleasure and a great test. We can cope with stress and discover new sources of strength if we find a little space to be alone. How to do this, says psychologist Ekaterina Primorskaya.
There are people who are very tired of communication. There are people who easily perceive the presence of others. There are those who want to constantly be in contact to hide from anxiety — if they are not lucky enough to be in seclusion without a partner, they will have a hard time.
But for all of us, regardless of our personality and temperament, it is useful sometimes to retire, to look for a place where we will not be distracted and disturbed. And that’s why:
- Loneliness provides an opportunity to reboot, slow down, relax, see what we really feel right now, what we need, what we want.
- Alone, we do not “cling to ourselves” other people’s fears and worries so much. It is easier for us to disidentify with loved ones, with society in general. By giving ourselves space to be alone, we will be able to answer important questions from which communication usually detracts.
- We give time to our unique ideas and creativity, without which there is no way now.
- We hear the body better. It is our main informant and witness in the processes of survival and transformation. If we do not understand our reactions, are deaf to our emotions, it is more difficult for us to survive crises, to accept such reality-changing events as global quarantine.
My corner is where I am
It is not easy to carve out our own corner for ourselves if we live in a “three-ruble note” with our husband, children, cat and grandmother. But even in a small apartment, you can agree on a certain area that cannot be entered without your permission. Or about a place where you can not be distracted — at least half an hour a day.
Any of us can try on the role of a hermit in the bathroom, and in the kitchen, and even on a yoga mat — anywhere. Just agree with your family about this in advance. I also recommend defining a zone in which no one is allowed to watch or read aloud disturbing news.
If you can’t give a separate room for an “infodetox”, you can agree with your loved ones on a time without gadgets and a TV. For example, for an hour during breakfast and an hour during dinner, we do not search for or discuss topics related to coronavirus and isolation. Try to make sure that TV and other sources of information that can be toxic do not become the background of your life.
Things to do in your corner
Suppose we arranged for ourselves a relaxation area on the balcony, fenced ourselves off from loved ones with a screen, or asked everyone to temporarily leave our cozy kitchen. Now what?
- When we move little, perhaps the most important thing is to give the body a release. Not only because we are getting fat and lymph stagnates in our body. Without movement, we freeze, our emotions do not find an outlet, we accumulate stress. Therefore, if you are able to dance, “dance” your feelings and experiences. There are many free lessons and master classes on the Internet. Find a Therapeutic Movement group or simply download basic hip hop lessons. Once you start moving, you will find it easier to stay in tight spaces;
- Write diaries, keep lists — for example, lists of your desires and questions that do not allow you to live in peace;
- Go through the hoard of magazines, library or cabinets. Start putting together the puzzle that has been waiting for you for ten years.
Such activities not only clear the physical space, but also give more clarity. We depend on rituals: when we physically disassemble something in the external world, it becomes easier for us to unravel complex internal situations, to put things in order in our thoughts.
In your corner, you can do everything — and it’s even pointless to lie down. Allow yourself not to know what to do next. Give yourself a break and recharge: a new vision will come if there is space for it. But if your thoughts are filled with anxiety, new ideas and solutions will have nowhere to go.
And if you feel like you’re incapable of messing around, you now have a great opportunity to start.
This practice is most difficult for those who need to be valuable, useful and productive, who constantly have to prove their worth. But you have to go through this, otherwise you run the risk of not understanding how it is to be alive, to be a person just like that, without benefit for eternity.