Children are the main thing, everything for them: rest where they feel good, the family budget for the needs of the child … Parents forget about themselves, trying to give the best to the child, and do not understand that this is how they only teach the future adult to consider himself an empty place. About this column directed by Elena Pogrebizhskaya.
I’m on the bus. The people are full. The driver, apparently, is in a hurry, because our bus not only rushes at high speed, the driver also maneuvers between cars, like a police car from American films.
We all jump and almost fall out of our chairs into the aisles. Now, I think, I will tell the driver that it is not firewood that is lucky. But I was ahead of a woman with a child of five years old in her arms. She stood up and angrily shouted to the driver: “Why are you driving at such a speed? I am with a child. What if it breaks?»
Great, I think, but let us all fight here, 30 adults is a trifle unimportant, apparently, and even she herself and her life are also worth nothing, the main thing is that the baby does not get hurt.
I run a documentary film club — we watch good documentaries and then discuss them. And so we watched a cool film about labor migrants, there is a heated discussion.
One lady gets up and says: “You know, this is a wonderful film. I looked, I could not tear myself away, it opened my eyes to many things. It’s such a good movie that it should be shown to children.» I tell her: “What about adults, don’t they?”
“Yes,” she said in such a tone, as if we had just made a serious discovery together, “indeed, and for adults.”
I am very happy when there are two equal centers of attention in a family, the first center is adults, the second is children
Now do you want to play a game? I will tell you a phrase, and you will add one word to it. Only the condition is this: you need to add the word without hesitation. So, the phrase: charitable foundation for help (intonation up) …
What word did you say? Children? Correct, and I have the same result. Nine of my friends also said «children» and one answered «animals» without hesitation.
And now I want to ask: what about adults? Do we have many adult aid funds in Russia and is it easy for them to work? The answer is obvious — there are literally several funds to help seriously ill adults, and it is very, very difficult to raise money to help adults, not children.
Who really needs these adults?
I am very happy when in a family — and even in the whole society too — there are two equal centers of attention, the first center is adults, the second is children.
My friend Tanya traveled all over Europe with her six-year-old son Petya. Petya’s dad sat in Moscow and earned money for it. At the age of six, Petya was so independent and sociable that in the hotel he often met adults himself.
When one day we all went horse riding together, Petya said that he would also ride, and my mother agreed, Petya decided — let him go. And although, of course, she was watching him out of the corner of her eye, he rode his horse as calmly as everyone else. That is, she did not cackle over him and did not shake. In general, Petya and his mother, Tatyana, were a great company to each other on vacation. Yes, and me.
Tanya, with the birth of a child, did not begin to live some other life, did not begin to revolve around little Peter, like the gray Earth around the shining Sun, but gradually entered the boy into the life that she had lived before him. That, in my opinion, is the correct family system.
A man is no longer a man, no longer a husband, no longer a professional, no longer a lover, and not even a man. He is «dad». And a woman likewise
And I also have friends where the relationship between adults and children is directly opposite to this. Everything in their lives is arranged in a way that is convenient for children, and parents tell themselves that they will endure. And they endure. Years. Now Egor and Dasha do not rest where they want, but where it is convenient for children, where animators will come running and make the children feel good. What about adults? My favorite question.
And adults are no longer important to themselves. Now they are saving money for a children’s birthday, for renting a cafe and for clowns, and have not bought anything for themselves for a long time. They even lost their names, a young man and a young woman a little over thirty are no longer called Yegor and Dasha. She tells him: “Daddy, what time will you be at home?” “I don’t know,” he replies, “probably about eight o’clock.”
And, of course, he no longer addresses his wife by name and does not even say “dear” to her. He says “mother” to her, although, you see, she is not his mother. My friends have lost all their identities — and the man is no longer a man, no longer a husband, no longer a professional, no longer a lover, and not even a man. He is «dad». And the woman is the same.
Of course, the one who was once called Dasha does not sleep much, she is always engaged with children. She carries her illnesses on her feet, she has no time to be treated. She sacrifices herself every day and forces her husband to do the same, although he resists a little.
A man named Papa and a woman named Mama think that they give the best to children, but in my opinion, they actually teach children not to take care of themselves in any way and set an example of how to consider themselves an empty place.
Rûpelên Elena Pogrebizhskaya di torên civakî de: Facebook (rêxistinek tundrew ku li Rûsyayê qedexe ye) /