Contents
Cheerful, charming, groovy, this man conquered you at first sight. Although he is «already over …», he is not at all like his serious peers. There is something touching and boyish about him. You have been living with him for several months now, you are fine together, but some of his actions … confuse you a little. Psychologist Jill Weber talks about how to understand that your lover is the same Peter Pan with whom you can’t build a family.
1. You constantly have to “rescue” him
He scatters things and scatters money: you have to collect socks from all over the house and pay his debts. When he has problems with colleagues or friends (which happens all the time), it is you, as Chip and Dale, who rush to the rescue. If a person has not become an adult, he learns to skillfully shift his duties to those closest to him.
This can happen unobtrusively, but it’s still worth considering why you suddenly became a nanny to your man.
2. Talking about marriage and children makes him panic
After some time, you naturally begin to make plans for the future. But voicing them, you notice that the chosen one is starting to get nervous and is trying to get away from the conversation. Next time you just joke about changing baby diapers. “When we have children, I will entrust this to you,” you declare. But your lover does not share a sense of humor, moreover, he urgently feels the need to go for a walk with friends.
If after a few months you still have not made progress in talking about a joint future, most likely you have come across an «infantil». His behavior is irrational: after all, talking about the future in itself does not mean that you have already painted it up to a minute, and does not oblige you to anything. You have the right to discuss the prospects of your relationship with your partner in order to develop a joint version of what the future will be like. But it does not attract infantile men, but frightens them.
3. You grumble all the time
You realize that you are endlessly reprimanding him, but you just can’t stop. You feel that if you don’t remind him of his duties, he won’t do anything at all. Your companion brings you down and disappoints, his words cannot be trusted. At the same time, as parents of teenage children, your complaints are ineffective and become a reason for accusations: well, when will you, the bore, stop sawing him?
4. He avoids serious topics
When you are not grumbling and trying to calmly discuss the sore with him, he laughs it off, changes the subject, or turns to the phone. More than anything, he does not like showdown and will do everything possible to prevent this from happening. He may even have a bad mood or a headache. As a result, what worries you will go into the background.
5. He demonstrates school interests and behavior patterns
When meeting with friends, he behaves like a teenager. He does not know how to drink at all, he does not mind smoking weed, he loves practical jokes and jokes below the belt. Stupidity does not leave him next to you, and you are ashamed that you are less and less able to appreciate his cheerfulness.
Modern «Peter Pans» do not know how to carry on a conversation with adult women. They are embarrassed by too close emotional intimacy, and they use foolish behavior as a defense. The more infantile your companion, the more often you act as a mother and feel the discomfort of the fact that in this pair you are the only person who thinks sensibly.