We cook because we have to, take our kids to school because we have to, work in paid jobs because no one else can provide for the family. And we are very afraid to do what we really want. Although this would give joy to us and our loved ones. Why is it so difficult to follow your desires and listen to your inner child?
“Vera Petrovna, take my words seriously. A little more, and the consequences will be irreversible, ”said the doctor to Vera.
She left the dreary building of the hospital, sat down on a bench and, probably for the tenth time, re-read the contents of the medical prescription. Among the long list of drugs, one prescription stood out most brightly.
Apparently, the doctor was a poet at heart, the recommendation sounded charmingly romantic: “Become a fairy to yourself. Think and fulfill your own desires. At these words, Vera sighed heavily, she looked no more like a fairy than a circus elephant looked like Maya Plisetskaya.
The ban on desires
Oddly enough, it is very difficult for us to follow our desires. Do you know why? We are afraid of them. Yes, yes, we are afraid of the secret part of ourselves that desires. “What are you? one of my clients once gasped at the offer to do what she likes. — What about relatives? They will suffer from my inattention!” “Let my inner child do what he wants?! Another client was angry. No, I can’t take that risk. How do I know what’s going on in his head? Deal with the consequences later.»
Let’s look at the reasons why people are so outraged even by the thought of turning their desires into reality. In the first situation, it seems to us that loved ones will suffer. Why? Because we will pay less attention to them, care less about them. In fact, we just play the role of a kind, caring, attentive wife and mother. And deep down we consider ourselves inveterate egoists who do not care about others.
If you give free rein to your “real self”, listening to and following your deepest desires, the deceit will be revealed, therefore, from now on and forever, a sign hangs for the “wants”: “Entrance is prohibited.” Where does this belief come from?
One day, five-year-old Katya got too carried away with the game and began to make noise, imitating the attack of wild swan geese on poor Vanya. Unfortunately, the noise fell just in time for Katya’s tiny brother’s daytime sleep. An enraged mother flew into the room: “Look, she’s playing here, but she doesn’t give a damn about her brother. It’s not enough that you want! We need to think about others, not just about ourselves. Selfish!
Familiar? This is the root of the reluctance to do what you want.
Freedom for the inner child
In the second case, the situation is different, but the essence is the same. Why are we afraid to see the little girl in ourselves and at least sometimes do what she wants? Because we know our true desires can be terrible. Obscene, wrong, reprehensible.
We see ourselves as bad, wrong, corrupted, condemned. So no desire, no «listen to your inner child.» We seek to shut him up, to strangle him forever, so that he does not break out and make mistakes.
Dima, who at the age of six was watering passers-by with a water pistol from the balcony, Yura, who at the age of four was just jumping over a ditch and thereby terribly frightened his grandmother, Alena, who could not resist and reached out to touch the iridescent pebbles on the neck of her mother’s friend. How was she to know they were diamonds? But a rude shout and a slap on the hands forever discouraged him from following an unknown impulse somewhere deep inside.
The only pity is that we ourselves do not always remember about such situations, most often they are revealed at a meeting with a psychologist.
Society of Distrust
When we do not follow our desires, we deprive ourselves of joy and pleasure. We turn life into an endless “must”, and it is not clear to anyone. Yes, there is joy. Unconsciously not trusting themselves, many will not even rest once again. Try telling them to relax more often. «What do you! If I lie down, I won’t get up again,” Slava tells me. “I’ll stay lying like a crocodile pretending to be a log.” Only a crocodile comes to life at the sight of prey, and I will forever remain a log.
What does this person believe? The fact that he is a complete lazy person. Here Slava is spinning, spinning, puffing, solving a million tasks at once, if only not to stop and not show «the real himself», a loafer and a parasite. Yes, that’s what my mother called Slava in her childhood.
It becomes very painful from how badly we think of ourselves, How long we lower ourselves. How we do not see the light that is in the soul of each. When you don’t trust yourself, you can’t trust others.
Here is the society of distrust. Distrust of employees whose arrival and departure times are controlled by a special program. To doctors and teachers who no longer have time to treat and teach, because instead they need to fill out a cloud of papers. And if you don’t fill it out, how will they know that you are treating and teaching correctly? Distrust of the future spouse, whom in the evening you confess your love to the grave, and in the morning you ask to sign a marriage contract. Distrust that creeps into all corners and cracks. Distrust that robs humanity.
Once in Canada they did a social study. We asked Toronto residents if they believe they can get their lost wallet back. “Yes” said less than 25% of the respondents. Then the researchers took and «lost» wallets with the name of the owner on the streets of Toronto. Returned 80%.
Wanting is useful
We are better than we think we are. Is it possible that Slava, who manages everything and everything, will no longer get up if she allows herself to lie down? In five days, ten, in the end, a month, he will want to jump up and do it. Whatever, but do it. But this time, because he wanted to. Will Katya follow her wishes and leave her children and her husband? There is a huge chance that she will go for a massage, visit the theater, and then she will want (she wants!) to return to her family and treat her loved ones to a delicious dinner.
Our desires are much purer, higher, brighter than we ourselves think about them. And they are aimed at one thing: for joy. Do you know what happens when a person is filled with joy? He radiates it to those around him. A mother who spent a sincere evening with her girlfriend, instead of grumbling “how tired I am of you,” will share this joy with her children.
If you’re not accustomed to giving yourself pleasure, don’t waste your time. Right now, take a pen, a piece of paper and write a list of 100 things that can make me happy. Allow yourself to do one item a day, firmly believing that by doing so you are fulfilling the most important mission: filling the world with joy. After six months, look How long happiness has filled you, and through you, your loved ones.
A year later, Vera was sitting on the same bench. The blue leaflet with the prescription had been lost somewhere for a long time, and it was not needed. All analyzes returned to normal, and in the distance behind the trees one could see the sign of the recently opened Vera agency «Become a fairy to yourself.»