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Obsessive, noisy, aggressive… Ill-mannered people greatly darken our lives. Is it possible to protect yourself from them, and even better — to prevent rudeness?
“A couple of days ago I was driving with my daughter,” says 36-year-old Laura. — At the traffic lights, I hesitated for just a couple of seconds. Immediately behind me, someone began to honk like crazy, then a car pressed close to me, and the driver cursed me in such a way that I can’t even try to reproduce it. Daughter, of course, immediately in tears. For the rest of the day, I felt depressed, humiliated, a victim of injustice.”
Here is just one of the many stories of common rudeness that we face every day. So ordinary, in fact, that writer Pier Massimo Forni, assistant professor of Italian literature at Johns Hopkins University, decided to write a self-defense manual: “The Civilian Decision: What to do when people are rude to you.” Here’s what he recommends.
Ber bi eslê rûreşiyê ve
Ji bo ku hûn bi rûkenî û bêedebî re şer bikin, hûn hewce ne ku sedemên wan fêm bikin, û ji bo vê yekê, hewl bidin ku sûcdar çêtir nas bikin.
A rude person dignifies those around him with a fleeting, superficial glance, ignores everyone
In other words, he is not able to overcome his desires and interests in favor of others, obsessing over the merits of his own «I» and defending them «with a saber unsheathed.»
Stratejiya Hama
By behaving rudely, a person is actually trying to defend himself. He is not confident in himself, afraid to show what he takes for his shortcomings, getting on the defensive and attacking others.
Such a lack of self-confidence may be due to various reasons: too strict parents, teachers who made him feel «flawed», classmates who mocked him.
Whatever the reason, the insecure person tries to compensate for it by establishing a particular form of control and dominance over others in order to achieve a material or psychological advantage.
This helps him alleviate the feeling of inferiority that torments him on an unconscious level.
At the same time, he does not realize that this type of behavior, on the contrary, weakens social ties and makes him only more unhappy.
Çeka sereke edîtî ye
The most successful strategy is to help the boor live better by treating him so that he can finally be at ease. This will allow him to feel accepted, appreciated, understood and, therefore, relax.
A smile causes a smile, and a friendly attitude — reciprocal politeness. An open mind and a sincere interest in other people’s problems can work wonders.
If the rude person insists on his own, let’s not forget that rudeness primarily harms the one from whom it comes.
Meriv çawa bersivê dide bêrêziyê
Bêhnek kûr bistînin.
Remind yourself that the rude person is acting this way because of their problems, and establish an emotional distance.
Decide what to do. For example…
Li dikanê
The consultant is on the phone and does not pay attention to you. Address him with the words: «Sorry, I just wanted to make sure that you saw me, otherwise I’ve been standing here for 10 minutes.»
If the situation does not change: «Thank you, I’ll ask someone else», hinting that you are going to the administrator or to another seller, thereby causing him to compete.
Li ser sifrê
Hûn bi hevalan re şîvê dixwin. Têlefonên desta bi domdarî lêdixin, pargîdaniya we bersiva bangan dide, ku we pir aciz dike. Bînin bîra hevalên xwe ku hûn çiqas kêfxweş dibin ku wan dibînin û çiqas xemgîn dibin ku axaftin her dem tê qut kirin.
Bi zarokan re
Tu bi hevalekî xwe re dipeyivî, lê zarokê te tim û tim dev ji te berdide û kefenê dikişîne ser xwe.
Gently but firmly take his hand, look into his eyes and say: “I’m talking. Is it so important that you can’t wait? If not, you should find something to do. The more you interrupt us, the more you’ll have to wait.»
Destê wî bigire heya ku ew bêje ku ew we fêm dike. Bi nermî jê bixwaze ku lêborîna xwe ji mêvan bixwaze.
Li ofîsê
Hevkarê we li nêzîkê radiweste û pir bi deng e, bêyî ku bala we ji kar dûr bixe.
Dibêjin, “Bibore, dema hûn bi têlefonê bi dengekî bilind diaxivin, ez nikarim konsantre bikim. Ger hûn hinekî bêdengtir biaxivin, hûn ê qenciyek mezin li min bikin.”