Why do successful, sane people suddenly go to fortune tellers and psychics? We seem to be looking for someone who will make a decision for us, as in childhood, when adults decided everything. But we are no longer children. Where does the idea come from that it is better to give responsibility for our lives to those who “know everything better than us”?
Now Alexander is 60 years old. Once, as a boy, he and his sister sat on the fence and ate a juicy apple. He remembers that day in detail, even what they were both wearing. An old man walked along the road and turned to their house. Parents treated the traveler with respect and reverence.
The conversation was short enough. The old man said that the boy would sail on the sea (and this was a remote Siberian village, which led to doubts), that he would marry early, and to a heterodox, and that he would remain a widower. The girl was predicted a good future: a strong family, prosperity and many children.
The boy grew up and went to study in a large city, where his specialty was “accidentally” connected with the sea. He married early, a girl from a different denomination. And widowed. Then he married again. And widowed again.
The sister went her way in a completely different way: a short marriage not for love, divorce, one child, loneliness for life.
mental infection
Since childhood, we have been accustomed to believing in Santa Claus, in magical stories, in miracles.
“Children unconditionally absorb parental messages and attitudes, adopting the worldviews of those around them,” explains psychologist Anna Statsenko, “The child grows. Faced with various life situations, he, from his childish part, wants someone to be able to decide: how to act, what exactly needs to be done, how it will be safer. If there is no person in the environment whose opinion the child part would completely trust, the search begins.
And then those who always and everything know in advance, confidently predicting the future, come into action. All those whom we endow with the status of a significant and authoritative person.
“They go to them in order to relieve themselves of responsibility, stress from fear of making a mistake,” continues the psychologist. — For someone else to choose and tell you how and what to do in order to reduce the level of anxiety, to receive positive reinforcement. And for a significant adult to reassure: «Don’t be afraid, everything will be fine.»
Criticality at this point is reduced. Information is taken for granted. And there is a possibility that a person will be “mentally infected”. Moreover, the introduction of an alien program sometimes occurs completely imperceptibly, at an unconscious level.
We communicate using words, each of which carries a certain encoding, an explicit and hidden message, says Anna Statsenko:
“Information enters both the level of consciousness and the unconscious. Consciousness can devalue this information, but at the same time, the unconscious will single out from the text that format and fragment that can be accepted through the prism of personal experience and family and family history. And then the search for strategies for implementing the information received begins. There is a great danger that in the future a person will act not from his free will, but from the restrictions received through the message.
How quickly the message-virus will take root and whether the message-virus will take root at all depends on whether there is fertile soil in our unconscious for such information. And then the virus will catch on to fears, fears, personal limitations and beliefs, says Anna Statsenko.
How would the lives of these people have unfolded without limiting predictions? At what point do we give up our path, our true choice, because of a prediction? When was trust in yourself, your higher «I» lost?
Let’s try to figure it out and develop an antidote in 5 steps.
The antidote for the virus
Step yek: learn to rely on the position when interacting with someone: I am an adult and the Other is an adult. To do this, you need to explore your adult part.
“An adult state is one in which a person is aware and sensibly assesses the risks of any of his actions, is ready to take responsibility for what is happening in his life,” explains Anna Statsenko. — At the same time, he forms various strategies in a particular situation.
In this state, a person determines what is illusory for him, where he wants to build an air castle. But he observes this as if from the outside, refraining from completely withdrawing into these illusions or into parental prohibitions.
Exploring my adult part means exploring whether I can strategize on my own, take responsibility for what is happening to myself, be in touch with my fears and other feelings, allow myself to live them.
Can I look at the other, without overestimating its importance, but without devaluing it, from the position of I-adult and Other-Adult. Can I distinguish my illusions from reality?
Dîsa du learn to be critical of the information received from the outside. Critical — this is not depreciating, not pejorative, but as one of the hypotheses that explain the events.
We are ready to accept information from others, but we treat it as one of the theories, calmly rejecting it if it does not stand up to scrutiny.
Step sê: to realize whether in my request to the Other there is an unconscious desire to relieve myself of responsibility. If yes, then return yourself to an adult position.
Asta çaremîn: realize what need I satisfy by turning to the Other. Is the candidate I have chosen really capable of satisfying this need?
Step pênc: learn to determine the moment of introduction of the virus. At the state change level. For example, you just laughed and were full of energy, but after a conversation with a colleague, melancholy, disbelief in yourself piled up. What happened? Is it my state or the state of a colleague that was transferred to me? Why do I need it? Were there any phrases in the conversation that sounded special?
By staying in touch with our adult part, we can protect both the inner child and ourselves from self-fulfilling prophecies and other possible dangers of this kind.