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Have you noticed that finding a balance between family, time for yourself and a career robs you of energy and faith in yourself? Mostly women suffer from this, because, according to the prevailing opinion, it is their duty to “juggle” different roles. When applying for a job, it would never occur to anyone to ask a man how he manages to build a successful career and devote time to children, or whether the beginning of the school year will prevent him from completing the project on time. Women have to answer such questions every day.
We all, regardless of gender, want recognition, social status, the opportunity to develop, while not losing touch with loved ones and participating in the lives of our children. According to a study by Egon Zehnde, 74% of people are interested in managerial positions, but this percentage decreases to 57% among women with age. And one of the main reasons is the problem of balance between work and family.
If we understand “balance” as the ratio of equal parts of the time and energy that we give to work and personal life, then the desire to find this equality can drive us into a corner. It is the pursuit of false hope, the ardent desire to achieve balance, the over-demanding that devastates us. A new factor is added to the already existing level of stress — the inability to cope equally well with all responsibilities.
The very posing of the question — finding a balance between two things — forces us to choose «either-or», as if work were not part of life, like friends, hobbies, children and family. Or is work something so hard that it is difficult to balance with a pleasant personal life? Balance is a kind of idealization, a search for stasis, when no one and nothing moves, everything is frozen and will be perfect forever. In reality, finding balance is nothing more than striving to live a fulfilling life.
Try to think of balance as a desire to be fulfilled in both areas without regrets and guilt.
What if, instead of balancing the «unbalanced», try to build a unified strategy for working and personal life? A more productive view of a person as a whole system, in contrast to the dualistic approach, which divides it into opposing «parts» with different desires. After all, work, personal, and family are parts of one life, they have both wonderful moments and things that pull us down.
What if we applied a single strategy to both areas: do what you love and enjoy it, trying to cope with uninteresting tasks as efficiently as possible and direct your expertise to where it is really valuable? Try to think of balance as a desire to be fulfilled in both areas without regret or guilt. This will give you a sense of fulfillment, fulfillment and balance.
On what principles can such a strategy be built?
1. CONSTRUCTION STRATEGY
Instead of a rejection strategy that creates a sense of scarcity and robs us of satisfaction, adopt a building strategy. Instead of thinking about the fact that you are underworking while at home and regretting not enough time with your children while sitting at negotiations in the office, you should consciously build a fulfilling life.
This strategy also has a physiological explanation. Two different nervous systems, sympathetic and parasympathetic, respectively, are responsible for the stress response and relaxation in our body. The secret is that they should both work the same way. That is, the amount of rest should equal the amount of stress.
Choose and regularly practice activities that you relax: cycling or walking, physical activity, communication with children and loved ones, self-care, hobbies. Over time, you will feel that the “relaxation system” has begun to win over the stress response.
Alternative weekend scheduling can also help, where you plan for the day in a “reverse” way, prioritizing pleasant activities instead of doing them as a leftover after “necessary” things.
2. REJECTION OF STEREOTYPES
Work can be a good opportunity to explain to children and loved ones the benefits you bring, the reasons why you are doing a professional job, and, finally, your role, which will complement the home image. Don’t underestimate the time spent at work — on the contrary, look at your activities as a valuable contribution and use the chance to teach your values to your child.
There is an opinion that a woman who prefers a career makes her children unhappy. The results of a study conducted among 100 people in 29 countries refute this hypothesis. The children of working mothers are just as happy as those whose mothers stayed at home full time.
In addition, there is a positive impact: adult daughters of working mothers are more likely to work independently, take leadership positions and receive high salaries. The sons of working mothers enjoy much more equal gender relations and distribution of responsibilities in the family. Keep this in mind when faced with the stereotype that a working mother is missing out on something of value to her child.
3.LIFE AROUND «LOVE»
When looking for balance, it is important to understand what exactly gives you inspiration at work. With similar responsibilities, some are energized by the chance to challenge themselves and achieve the impossible, others are energized by the opportunity to invest time in training employees, others are motivated by the process of creation, and others are happy to negotiate with clients.
Analyze what you love to do, what energizes you, gives you a sense of joy and flow, and then maximize it. You can try to live at least a month in other categories: instead of the usual “work” and “family”, divide your life into “loved” and “unloved”.
It would be naive to say that we should only do what we love. However, observing ourselves and highlighting what we like to do (at work or in family life), and then increasing the proportion of our favorite in both areas, it will make us feel better. In addition, our friends, relatives, colleagues will be able to benefit from our best manifestations.
What follows from this?
If you can build your life around these principles, weaving the fabric of reality «through» different realms and making the center of what you really love, it will bring you satisfaction and joy.
Do not radically change everything at once — it is very easy to face failure and leave everything as it is. Start small. If you work 60 hours a week, don’t try to fit yourself into the 40-hour frame right away. If you’ve never had dinner with your family, don’t force yourself to do so every day.
The most important thing is to take the first step and stick to the new principles at all costs. Chinese wisdom will help you start: “There are two favorable moments to start a new one: one was 20 years ago, the second is right now.”