“Where to find a wealthy man? Every time I step on the same rake — why is that? What do I do if I don’t get a call back after a date? The site’s editor, Yulia Tarasenko, attended several lectures by psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky to find out what questions listeners come up with and whether it is possible to become happier in an hour and a half.
Rojên hefteyê, êvar, navenda Moskowê. Zivistan. Lobiya Mala Mîmaran a Navendî mijûl e, li cilê dorê heye. Du qat li jor dersa Labkovsky.
Mijar "Çawa meriv bizewice" ye, pêkhateya zayenda temaşevanan ji berê ve diyar e. Piranîya mezin jinên 27 heta 40 salî ne (di her du alîyan de veqetîn hene). Di salonê de sê zilam hene: kameramanek, nûnerê organîzatoran û Mîxaîl bi xwe.
A public lecture is not a monologue of a recognized expert, but a short, about ten minutes, introduction and further interactive: ask a question — get an answer. There are two ways to voice a sore point: into a microphone or by passing a note written large, legible and necessarily containing a question.
Mikhail bêyî pirsek bersiva notan nade: ev dibe ku bibe hukumê wî yê heftemîn. Şeş yekem:
- tenê tiştê ku hûn dixwazin bikin
- tiştê ku hûn naxwazin nekin
- tenê bêje ku tu jê hez nakî
- dema ku neyê pirsîn bersiv nede
- tenê pirsê bersiv bide
- tiştan ji hev veqetînin, tenê li ser xwe bipeyivin,
Bi rengekî din, di bersivên xwe yên pirsên temaşevanan de, Mikhail dengê wan dike. Ji pirsan diyar dibe ku mijar ji ya ku xuya dike firehtir û berfirehtir e.
Li ber mîkrofonê blondeyek ciwan e. Têkiliyek bi zilamek "îdeal" re hebû: bedew, dewlemend, Maldives û şahiyên din ên jiyanê. Lê bê hestiyar. Skandal, belav bûye, êdî her kesî bi wî re dide ber hev, kes nikare li ber xwe bide.
“You are a neurotic,” Mikhail explains. — That man attracted you because he was cold with you. We must change ourselves.
Li pişt her çîrokek duyemîn bavên sar, red dikin. Ji ber vê yekê balkêşiya kesên ku diêşînin
— It seems that you want a relationship: to have someone with whom you can talk. But you need to rebuild your life, empty the shelf in the closet, move things away … — the 37-year-old brunette reflects.
“You decide,” Labkovsky throws up his hands. — Or you and one are fine, then you accept the situation as it is. Or you don’t have enough intimacy — then you need to change something.
Behind every other story are cold, rejecting fathers absent from their daughters’ lives or appearing irregularly. Hence the attraction to those who hurt: «both badly together, and separately nothing.» The situation repeats itself: two listeners talk about the fact that each has five marriages behind them. However, this is not the only possible scenario.
— How can I attract a man — secured, so that he earns three times more than me, he could take care if I gather on maternity leave …
— So personal qualities are not important to you at all?
— I did not say that.
Lê te bi xwe bi pereyan dest pê kir. Bi ser de jî ragihandin: hatina we sê qat zêdetir e. Ne du û nîv, ne çar…
— Well, what is wrong?
— It’s right when a woman with healthy self-esteem is looking for a man equal to her. It’s all.
PÎLÊ BEXTÊ
Some people come to class prepared. Having studied the rules and trying to follow them, the girl asks a question: she is over 30, she has been together with a young man for two and a half years, but she still refuses to talk seriously about children and marriage — is it possible to start dating someone else at the same time? Time something goes.
The audience laughs — an attempt to get an indulgence seems naive. The hall is generally unanimous: it sighs sympathetically in response to some stories, snorts at others. Even listeners come at approximately the same time: to a lecture on getting out of neurotic relationships in advance, to a lecture on self-esteem — very late. By the way, the lecture on how to make a successful project out of your self-esteem gathers the maximum number of men — 10 people from a room of 150 people.
Em ji ber heman sedemê têne dersên gelemperî ku hema 30 sal berê dêûbavên me li ser ekranên TV-yê kom bûne da ku li danişînên Kashpirovsky temaşe bikin. Ez mûcîzeyekê dixwazim, dermankirinek bilez, bi tercîh, rakirina hemî pirsgirêkan di yek dersê de.
In principle, this is possible if you follow the six rules. And we accept some of what we heard with joy: in the world, when everyone calls to leave the comfort zone, to make an effort on oneself, Labkovsky strongly advises not to do this. Don’t feel like going to the gym? So don’t go! And “I barely forced myself, but then I felt a surge of energy” — violence against oneself.
Michael dibêje tiştê ku piraniya me hewce dike ku bibihîzin: ji xwe hez bikin mîna ku hûn in.
But in especially “neglected” cases, Mikhail honestly says: we need to work with a psychologist (in some cases, a neurologist, psychotherapist or psychiatrist). Hearing this, many are offended: the calculation for an instant miracle is too great, the belief in a magical «pill for everything.»
Digel vê yekê, ders di salonên pir mezin de dicivînin, û ne tenê li Moskowê: guhdarên wî yên li Riga û Kiev, Yekaterinburg, St. Petersburg û bajarên din hene. Ne bi kêmanî spas ji behremendiya wî, nermbûn, heneka wî. Û ev civîn ji beşdaran re dibe alîkar ku fêm bikin ku ew di pirsgirêkên xwe de ne bi tenê ne, tiştê ku tê serê wan ew qas gelemperî ye ku dikare wekî normaliya nû were hesibandin.
“An interesting feeling: it seems that all people are different, everyone has different backgrounds, and the questions are so similar! — shares Ksenia, 39 years old. “About the same thing we all care about. And this is important: to understand that you are not alone. And there is not even a need to voice your question into the microphone — for sure, during the lecture, others will do it for you, and you will get an answer.
“Pir xweş e ku meriv fehm bike ku nexwestina zewacê normal e! Û negerin li "qedera xwe ya jinê" jî normal e," Vera, 33 salî qebûl dike.
Derket holê ku Michael tiştê ku pir kes hewce ne ku bibihîzin dibêje: ji xwe hez bikin bi awayê ku hûn in. Rast e, li pişt vê xebat heye, kirin an nekirin berpirsiyariya her kesî ye.