NI-1 (To be frightened)
In love, as in war, all means are good?
During the defense of Odessa in 1941, the defenders of the city hastily constructed a kind of light tank — they sheathed an ordinary tractor with armor. Moreover, the armor was peculiar: wooden boards laid between two sheets of ship steel. Light armament was installed on some armored tractors, but mostly they managed with dummies of guns. In short, the besieged city made the main bet on the psychological effect. And it worked. When improvised tanks without artillery support, but with their headlights on and under the roar of sirens, moved into battle, the enemy fled. After this victory, the inhabitants of Odessa assigned the name NI-1 to the machines, which was deciphered as «To be frightened.»
In the same way, now my Odessa relatives call the tactics of their neighbor Alena, who now and then arranges battles with her husband. “It frightens me again,” sigh the relatives and, in general, all the inhabitants of the house in the Peresyp area, which is immediately behind the bridge, opposite the registry office. When Alena screams: “We are getting a divorce. That’s it, I’m already packing your things!» — the most curious people leave the apartments and sit on the benches, right under the hanging linen. People know: now Alena will start running around the common balcony, she will rush up and down the stairs, dragging bags down: “I said: get out! Not a single one of your socks will remain in my house!” She will scream, scream and cry. She will beat the dishes: “Oh, don’t you want to take the service? I don’t need anything from your mom either! ”, Will throw away the ring — then all the neighboring children are looking for it for sweets, will curse the day when … The circus!
The third time Alena is married, but to no avail. He drives the faithful out of the house after each, even a trifling quarrel. Because of any trifle, it deploys large-scale military operations, frightening with a divorce. At first, the next husband really panics: well, how can he really file an application for divorce? He also cries: “Alena, don’t! I can’t live without you! I’ll do whatever you say. Everything will be your way!» But sooner or later it comes to him: it’s a bluff. Bet on the psychological effect. There are no large-caliber guns, no terrible tanks, and no one will run across the road to the registry office — Alena, covered only by a visible armor of indifference, is herself afraid of a divorce. And then the man begins to attack in response: “Okay, if you want so …”
Then Alena, wounded in the very heart, travels through the whole city to apologize to her mother-in-law, trying to return her beloved by all means. And having returned, he again declares the enemy and rushes at him, rumbling and howling. Why this woman likes war so much is a separate question. The neighbors are perplexed for another reason: how has this fool still not understood that NI-1 should be used only in the most extreme cases, if there are no other options for restoring order ?! There, Aunt Rosa used the proven Odessa method, only when her husband went on a spree — his things also flew here. And Ivan Sergeevich quietly and distinctly said “Another glass — and you are not my son!” When Tolik began to pawn hard. So they won. And in general, to be honest, NI-1 works at full capacity only once. That’s why the number is in the title. Like a warning.