How do most of us talk about stress or traumatic experiences—to friends, loved ones, or professionals? As a rule, in the first person: “I remember how it was…”, “At that moment I felt (a)…”, “I will never forget…”. But it turns out that the choice of pronoun when describing what happened can significantly affect the course of therapy. Art therapist Cathy Malchiodi shares the latest research in this area.
Perhaps the best strategy for reducing stress is to speak, write, and express yourself through art in a non-first-person perspective. In any case, psychologist and art therapist Cathy Malchiodi believes that the choice of the pronoun that we use in internal monologues can significantly affect the psychological state. Her opinion is backed by scientific evidence that provides therapists with important information to work with clients through text and art.
It turns out that talking to yourself from a “detached” position improves emotional regulation. Why is this happening?
«Me or you»?
Speaking in the first person involves the use of the pronouns «I», «me», «my», «me». Experts advise replacing them with “you”, “he (a)”, or even with your own name.
Malchiodi gives an example of a positive internal conversation that he runs in his head before a performance to reduce stage fright: “Keep going, Cathy, you will succeed. You are young!» This technique has long been known to athletes and politicians — it is used in order to increase performance and strengthen self-confidence. Variations of this type of internal monologue can be effective in other situations, especially those involving painful memories or disturbing events.
Keeping our distance
Two recent studies demonstrate how this simple strategy can help with self-regulation and stress reduction. The first experiment, conducted at Michigan State University, proved that the refusal to use the pronouns «I», «my» and the like often leads to the fact that people begin to perceive themselves as if from the outside — much like they perceive others.
This helps them separate from unpleasant experiences, create some psychological distance, as a result of which emotions subside, in any case, this is confirmed by the brain scanning technology involved in the study.
Reasoning about yourself in the third person is an affordable way to work with your own emotions
Another experiment was conducted at the Emotion and Self-Control Laboratory at the University of Michigan. Using functional magnetic resonance imaging, the researchers examined differences in brain activity in participants who reflected on their experiences. The subjects who avoided first-person phrases had a less active area of the brain associated with unpleasant memories, indicating better emotional regulation.
Thus, both research groups came to the conclusion that talking about yourself in the third person is an accessible way to work with your own emotions.
Use in art therapy
Cathy Malchiodi asks the question: how can this be used in practice, for example, in art therapy? “Switching from self-narrative to third-person narration allows both children and adults to more safely deal with unpleasant memories,” she shares. — For example, I can ask a child to show me his anxiety through a drawing or a clay sculpture. Then I ask: If this anxiety could speak, what would it say? I encourage the child to keep a safe distance from the experience and avoid «I» messages.
Similarly, I can ask an adult to write down the five words that come to mind after completing a drawing or expressing themselves through movement. These five words he can then use to compose a poem or story that describes his experience in the third person.
The method is not for everyone
The author emphasizes that such a story about the experience is not always the most effective strategy for achieving therapeutic goals. When we talk about ourselves in the first person, it is often easier for us to appropriate certain experiences, perceptions or feelings, and this leads to faster and more tangible progress in working with a psychologist.
But when the purpose of the session is to support the client and help them cope with emotions arising from stress, traumatic memories, loss, or other problems, avoiding «I» statements is a good strategy, at least in the short term.
“Specialists will have to delve deeper into what type of communication is best used for recovery, emotional health and overall well-being of patients,” the psychologist concludes.
About the Author: Cathy Malchiodi is a psychologist, art therapist, and art therapy author.