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Everything is always wonderful with them, they are full of energy and ideas, they joke, they laugh. Without them, it is boring in the company, they are ready to help in trouble. They are loved and appreciated. They seem to be the happiest people in the world. But this is only an appearance. Sadness, pain, fear and anxiety are hidden behind the mask of cheerfulness. What is wrong with them? And how can you help them?
It’s hard to believe, but so many people only seem happy, but in fact, every day they fight with depressive thoughts. Usually people suffering from depression seem to us gloomy, lethargic, indifferent to everything. But in fact, according to research by the US National Institute of Mental Health, more than 10% of citizens suffer from depression, which is 10 times the number of those suffering from bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.
And at the same time, everyone experiences depression in their own way. Some do not even know that they have this disorder, especially if they believe that they have control over their daily lives. It seems impossible that someone can smile, joke, work and still be depressed. But, unfortunately, this happens quite often.
What is «smiling» depression
“In my practice, most of those for whom the diagnosis of “depression” was a shock suffered just from “smiling” depression. Some have not even heard of it, ”says psychologist Rita Labon. A person with this disorder seems happy to others, constantly laughing and smiling, but in fact feels deep sadness.
«Smiling» depression often goes unnoticed. They try to ignore it, drive the symptoms as deep as possible. Patients either do not know about their disorder, or prefer not to notice it for fear of being considered weak.
A smile and a shining “facade” are just defense mechanisms to hide real feelings. A person yearns because of a breakup with a partner, difficulties in work, or a lack of goals in life. And sometimes he just feels that something is wrong — but does not know what exactly.
Also, this type of depression is accompanied by anxiety, fear, anger, chronic fatigue, a sense of hopelessness and disappointment in oneself and in life. There may be problems with sleep, a lack of pleasure from what you used to like, a decrease in sexual desire.
Everyone has their own symptoms, and depression can manifest itself as one or all at once.
“People suffering from “smiling” depression seem to wear masks. They may not show others that they feel bad, — says Rita Labon. — They work full time, do housework, sports, lead an active social life. Hiding behind a mask, they demonstrate that everything is fine, even excellent. At the same time, they experience sadness, experience panic attacks, are not confident in themselves, and even sometimes think about suicide.
Suicide is a real danger for such people. Usually, people suffering from classical depression can also think about suicide, but they do not have enough strength to make thoughts a reality. Those who suffer from «smiling» depression are energetic enough to plan and carry out suicide. Therefore, this type of depression can be even more dangerous than its classic version.
“Smiling” depression can and should be treated
However, there is good news for those suffering from this disease — help is easy to get. Psychotherapy successfully copes with depression. If you suspect that your loved one or close friend is suffering from «smiling» depression, he may deny it or react negatively when you first bring up his condition.
This is fine. Usually people do not admit their illness, and the word «depression» sounds threatening to them. Remember that, in their opinion, asking for help is a sign of weakness. They believe that only truly sick people need treatment.
In addition to therapy, it helps a lot to share your problem with loved ones.
It is best to choose the closest family member, friend or person you can completely trust. Regular discussion of the problem can reduce the symptoms of the manifestation of the disease. It is important to get rid of the idea that you are a burden. Sometimes we forget that our loved ones and friends will be happy to support us just as we would support them. The opportunity to share feelings gives strength to get rid of depressing thoughts.
The longer you continue to deny the diagnosis and avoid the problem, the more difficult it will be to cure the disease. When depressive thoughts and feelings are not spoken out, not treated, they only get worse, which is why it is so important to seek help in time.
4 Steps to Control Smiling Depression
Laura Coward, a psychologist and member of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, says that in “smiling” depression, a person seems to be quite happy with life, but he smiles through the pain.
Often, patients with this disorder ask the psychologist, “I have everything you could ever want. So why am I not happy?» A recent study of 2000 women showed that 89% of them suffer from depression but hide it from friends, family and colleagues. What is important, all these women live life to the fullest.
What can you do if you have symptoms of «smiling» depression?
1. Admit that you are sick
A difficult task for those who suffer from «smiling» depression. “They often devalue their own feelings, push them inside. They are afraid that they will be considered weak when they find out about the disease, ”says Rita Labon. But persistent feelings of sadness, loneliness, hopelessness, and even anxiety are signs of emotional stress, not weakness. Your feelings are normal, they are a signal that something is wrong, that help and communication are needed.
2. Bi kesên ku hûn pê bawer in re bipeyivin
A huge problem for those suffering from this type of depression is that they try to hide the symptoms from others. You are hurting, but you are afraid that friends and family will not understand your feelings, they will be upset and confused because they will not know what to do. Or you are just sure that no one can help you.
Yes, others will not be able to “take away” your negative feelings, but it is important to put them into words, talk to someone you trust, with whom you feel comfortable. This is a huge step towards recovery. That is why, talking about problems with a psychotherapist, we feel better.
“First you need to choose one person: a friend, a relative, a psychologist – and tell him about your feelings,” advises Rita Labon. Explain that in general everything is fine in your life, but you do not feel as happy as you look. Remind him and yourself that you are not asking to make problems go away in an instant. You’re just checking to see if discussing your condition will help you.»
If you are not used to discussing your feelings, you may feel anxiety, discomfort, stress.
But give yourself and your loved one time, and you will be surprised how effective and long-lasting the effect of a simple conversation can be.
3. Take care of your self-esteem
Sometimes a little self-doubt is normal, but not when everything is already very bad. At such moments, we “finish off” our own self-esteem. Meanwhile, self-esteem is similar to the emotional immune system, it helps to cope with problems, but it also needs to be strengthened and maintained.
One way to do this is to write yourself a letter, and in it, feel sorry for yourself, support and cheer in the same way as you would support a friend. Thus, you will exercise in self-support, self-compassion, which is so lacking in those who suffer from «smiling» depression.
4. If your friend is suffering, let him talk, listen.
Sometimes someone else’s pain is harder to bear than your own, but you can still help if you listen to the other. Remember — it is impossible to take away negative feelings and emotions. Do not try to console and fix everything, just make it clear that you love your loved one, even if he is not as perfect as he wants to be. Just let him speak.
Active listening means showing that you really hear and understand what is being said.
Say that you sympathize, ask what can be done. If after talking to you it seems that you need to do something, first discuss it with a loved one who suffers from depression. Express compassion, describe in detail what you plan to do and why, and listen carefully to the answer.
When it comes to professional help, share a positive experience in therapy, if you have one, or simply cheer. Often friends come along with the patient or patients come on the recommendation of friends, and then meet for a walk or for a cup of coffee immediately after therapy.
You may not be required to wait after the session or discuss the outcome of the conversation with the psychologist. To get started, just support a friend — that will be enough.