Meriv çawa bi narsîsîstan re têkilî daynin

Recently, a friend said that she happened to watch a narcissist, and his behavior caused her hatred. This is amazing because she is perhaps the kindest and most caring person I know.

What to do when confronted with the unsightly manifestations of narcissism: lack of empathy, arrogance and arrogance, boastfulness and megalomania, a need for constant admiration from others, and a tendency to blame everyone around but oneself? Usually, when we experience strong emotions, it is best to discuss them with someone, ideally with the same person who causes these emotions in us. This helps in many situations, but narcissists don’t care about our feelings.

Years ago, I told a narcissist friend about my experiences. I spent many hours pondering how to carefully and carefully express to him everything that was on my mind. I opened up to him, trying to take into account his feelings and psychological state, but in response I received only bitterness and an endless stream of accusations. So how do you protect yourself from narcissists?

1. Look at the situation wider

You cannot control or change other people, but you can control yourself and change your own attitude to what is happening. Narcissists are great at drawing people into their world, making them accept their point of view. Try to notice this as early as possible and look at the situation more broadly.

The one with whom you communicate is only one of more than seven billion people on the planet. Why give him power over your emotions?

2. Remind yourself of your strengths

List five of your greatest strengths and make a plan for how to use them to protect your psychological well-being when dealing with such a person.

3. Avoid «dirt»

Try to control yourself and not succumb to the obsessive desire to meet, communicate, maintain contact with the narcissist. Be smart and find better uses for your time.

4. Benefit from communication

Ask yourself which character traits of a narcissist excite you the most. What you don’t see in him is honesty, kindness and modesty? Most likely, the manifestation of the most significant traits for you causes the strongest reaction. Thus, by observing your reaction to the behavior of the narcissist, you can learn more about yourself, and this knowledge will be useful in resolving your own problems and conflicts.

5. Learn to better understand the behavior of others

When it comes to a mild form of narcissism that does not reach the level of a personality disorder, it is useful to consider the behavior of such a person in the context of his strengths: which of them he underutilizes, and which, on the contrary, he overuses.

However, in the case of severe narcissism (commonly called narcissistic personality disorder), unhealthy patterns of behavior and thinking are deeply rooted in the person’s very personality, and they can hardly be called simply a misuse of strengths.

A complete lack of empathy cannot be reduced to a lack of kindness or social intelligence. Delusions of grandeur, a constant need to be the object of admiration and outbursts of rage at the slightest provocation is not just a lack of self-control.

Another view is also possible: narcissists use their personality strengths in inappropriate ways, such as to manipulate others. Perseverance and creativity can also be used for unseemly purposes. The narcissist uses all his strengths for one purpose: to get the maximum benefit for himself, regardless of the others.

The narcissist probably doesn’t care about your well-being, but you do. You have the right to protect yourself and take care of yourself.

About the author: Ryan Nyimets is a psychologist, coach, mindfulness meditation specialist, and positive psychologist.