Meriv çawa xizmekî xwe li malek hemşîre bi cîh dike: 5 Gav

“Why can’t I take care of my loved one on my own?”, “What will people say?”, “I’m a bad daughter” … Almost all people who decide to place an elderly relative in a boarding house face similar thoughts.

According to the latest research, because of the stereotypes about geriatric centers that have become established in society, every second Russian believes that it is better for an elderly person to stay at home, regardless of their state of health.¹. But to provide decent care for him at home is sometimes simply impossible. And then we have to make a difficult decision, while experiencing mental anguish.

It is explained by the need to make a decision for the parents. This is contrary to our deep-seated desire to see the elderly as someone who once made important decisions for us.

Feelings of guilt can be dealt with if there are weighty arguments «for»: such as round-the-clock care for a relative in a boarding house, the necessary medical equipment, and simply constant supervision of him. But if the relative himself does not agree with the decision to move, anxiety for his psychological state joins the feeling of guilt. And it is difficult to deal with it without dialogue. How to be?

Older people find it difficult to adapt to changes in their lives. They do not want to admit their weaknesses, move to an unfamiliar environment, or move away from their families. But there are 5 steps that will help you come to an understanding in the event that a move is inevitable.

Step 1: Explain all the pros and cons

Even if the decision has already been made, the older person needs time to make it. You need to calmly talk to him and explain why you should consider moving to a geriatric center. It is important to make it clear that your proposal to go there is not dictated by a desire to get rid of a relative, but by caring for him: “I love you, so I don’t want you to be alone while I’m at work all day” or “I’m afraid I won’t have time to arrive, when you need my help.»

Çawa neyê kirin?

Tell the older person that the decision has already been made. Let the relative at least mentally “live” in a new role and decide for himself whether he needs to move. We often underestimate our parents when they get older, but the truth is that sometimes they understand life situations better than we do and are ready to meet their children in a difficult moment.

Step 2: Dose Information

Older people are very impressionable, so when they receive too much information, they can get scared and close in on themselves. At this stage, you should not bring down all the details of your decision. Tell us about the center you have chosen, the conditions in it, the doctors that are in the state, and how far it is from the city. If you have already visited the selected boarding house, share your impressions with a relative.

Çawa neyê kirin?

Brush off questions, even if a relative asks them several times. Let him absorb the information at his own pace and repeat the answers to his questions as needed. It is not necessary to embellish the conditions in which he will find himself — a feigned positive causes distrust. In no case should you lie to an elderly person: when the deception is revealed, it will be difficult to regain trust.

Step 3: Don’t push

In older people, resistance to new problems decreases over the years. They become like children, but if they have biological protection, then the stress resistance of the older generation decreases. This is expressed in total fear and anxiety. Given the psychological vulnerability of an older person, try to support him and share his inner experiences with him.

Çawa neyê kirin?

Answer shout for shout. Disputes and scandals are a defense mechanism in case of a change in the environment familiar to an elderly person. Keep calm and try to understand that you are facing a relative who is frightened by the prospects and needs understanding and care.

Psychological pressure should not be used. Older people are well aware that they are directly dependent on their children. But an unnecessary reminder of this can cause them serious psychological trauma, leading to a nervous breakdown and mental illness.

Step 4: Smooth out the corners

Honesty in a conversation with older people is welcome, but there are trigger words that cause anxiety and anxiety in them. Avoid the words «should» and «must» — they can provoke internal resistance and give rise to a sense of hopelessness in a relative.

The expression «nursing home» should also not be used. For older people, this phrase is still associated with scary stories about places where old people were sent to die alone. Try to use the modern names of the institution: geriatric center, boarding house or residence for the elderly.

Çawa neyê kirin?

Call all things by their proper names. Even with a frank conversation, remember: older people are vulnerable and sensitive. One carelessly spoken word can inflict such an insult on them that it will take a long time to explain.

Step 5: Scale down the disaster

For older people, it is not so much the familiar home environment that is important, but the opportunity to constantly be close to relatives and friends. Explain to your relative that his move to a boarding house will not affect your relationship and his meetings with children and grandchildren. It is important to make it clear that you will still have the opportunity to come and spend a few hours with him or pick him up for the weekend.

Çawa neyê kirin?

Giving false hopes. If you promised to visit a relative in a boarding house every week, you will have to keep your word: there is nothing worse than a deceived old man who spends the weekend waiting for his loved ones to arrive. An elderly relative, for whom you are the center of his fragile world, must be confident in you and your honesty.

^{1 VTsIOM poll}