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You liked each other, met, but something does not stick. And you no longer want to go on a second or third date, and if you do agree, you don’t know what to talk about, or look for flaws in your partner. But is it always worth relying on sensations and signs? And if you decide to end the relationship – what is the best way to do it?
We are waiting for the meeting, we draw in our imagination how it will be. But after the first date there is a residue – something is wrong. You can’t really explain to yourself, but you understand that the temptation is great to stop responding to messages and not pay attention to likes on Instagram. And even the second and third dates do not convince you that it is worth continuing to communicate. How can you help yourself deal with conflicting feelings?
Red light?
1. He is not the same as I imagined (a)
First of all, let’s face it: there are no princes and princesses of dreams in reality. Nobody is perfect. So say goodbye to ideals and excessive demands. Focus on what really matters to the partnership. Determine the main criteria when choosing a partner. And if your new acquaintance corresponds to them, then do not rush to give a turn from the gate, but give one more chance.
2. The conversation is not glued
If you feel good together, then most often finding a topic for conversation is not a problem. And if the conversation does not stick and it is somehow uncomfortable to be silent? Wouldn’t it be better to just run away? Take a closer look before judging. Perhaps your new acquaintance is just a very shy person. Think, are you doing everything yourself to make communication interesting?
3. Do the values match?
Before you refuse to communicate, listen to yourself and think about everything. The content of conversations says a lot about the interlocutor. Some topics and remarks will tell you how the other “works”. Are you close to his worldview, values, goals in life. Take off your rose-colored glasses and prick up your ears before giving your partner a “failure”. Listen carefully and decide what works for you and what doesn’t.
4. You are not interested
If you have no desire to find out something about a partner, you don’t want to share your thoughts and interests, and even more so have common ones, perhaps you should think about whether to continue the relationship.
5. What your intuition says
Intuition will tell you that on the contrary – the “wrong” partner. Trust her. Listen to yourself and mentally ask the following questions:
- Hûn bêzar in?
- Have you just arrived and already want to go home?
- Is there something extremely unpleasant in the appearance of the interlocutor?
Emotional signals should not be ignored, even if common sense says otherwise. Your feelings should be taken seriously.
Break up honestly
But if a partner really doesn’t suit you, how to tactfully end the conversation so that you don’t feel ashamed and hurt?
Probably, each of us at least once went through this: we agreed to meet, but in response to calls and messages – deaf silence and no explanation. Someone easily flips the page: forgot, move on. And someone torments himself with questions: what did I do or say wrong? We want clarity, and nothing is worse than the unknown. Or maybe we ourselves left in English, without dotting the i’s?
Sometimes we are told stories about sick grandmothers who need to be looked after, or about work that suddenly piled on right on the day of the date. Or we ourselves like to compose “fairy tales” for “undesirable” partners. In either case, we feel cheated or deceived, which is equally unpleasant. Therefore, it is always better to put the cards on the table.
Any person, even if not justified our hopes, is worthy of respect and explanation. A frank conversation or honest communication that you are uncomfortable, uncomfortable, uninteresting, gives the other an opportunity to let you go and switch to another relationship. Don’t forget: there were reasons why you wanted to meet this person. And now, when you have decided to put an end to it, decency dictates not to be cowardly, not to avoid communication, but to say goodbye with gratitude for the new experience.
Rejection is always unpleasant. Try to show that you’re really sorry it didn’t work out. After all, no one is to blame for the fact that chemistry did not happen. But you both at least tried to get to know each other. And that’s already great!