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Everyone has heard a thousand times: use condoms, they protect against unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Everyone knows where to buy them. But why then do so many stop using them?
Scientists from Indiana University investigated the attitude towards barrier contraception. Every second woman admitted that she does not fully enjoy sex if her partner does not use a condom. Which, in general, is not surprising: when we worry about the risk of getting pregnant or getting infected, we are clearly not up to orgasm.
The majority — 80% of those surveyed — agreed that condoms are needed, but only half of them used them during their last sexual contact. We don’t enjoy unprotected sex, but we continue to have it.
40% of those who did not use a condom during their last intercourse did not discuss it with their partner. And among newly formed couples, two-thirds stopped using condoms after a month of relationship, and in only half of the cases, partners talked about it with each other.
Why do we refuse contraception?
1. Lack of self-respect
Imagine: in the midst of a passionate foreplay, ask your partner if he has a condom, and he will look at you with bewilderment. He does not have a condom, and in general — how did it even come to your mind? You have two options: make an exception (just for once!) or say, “Not today, honey.” The answer largely depends on your principles.
Unfortunately, women often step back from their beliefs in order to please a man.
Let’s say your principled position is to make love without a condom only after the man brings a certificate from the doctor, and you start taking birth control. To defend it, you will need courage and self-confidence. Maybe you feel uncomfortable starting such a conversation or you are afraid of losing it if you insist on your own.
And yet you must explain your position to men. At the same time, try not to look aggressive, irritated or too assertive. You need to learn how to communicate. Otherwise, wanting to please a man, you will do what you really do not want. It is worth giving in once, and nothing will stop you from repeating it.
2. Partner pressure
Men often say: «Feelings are not the same», «I am absolutely healthy», «Don’t be afraid, you won’t get pregnant.» But it happens that women themselves force partners to refuse a condom. The pressure is coming from both sides.
Most women are convinced that a man does not want to use a condom and that by getting rid of it, you can please your partner. However, women forget that giving someone pleasure does not mean being attractive.
Your principles make you even more attractive in the eyes of a man
In addition, condoms bring a moment of pleasant anticipation to sex: if one of you reaches for them, this is a sign that you are about to have sex. It should inspire inspiration, not fear.
3. Diffidence
When it comes to condoms, people tend to make a molehill out of a molehill: “Why don’t you want to get close “one hundred percent”? You do not trust me? We’ve been together for so long! Am I not important to you at all?» You may have heard a lot of this yourself.
If condoms ruin romance, it means that you have much more serious problems in your sex life. Condoms have nothing to do with it, they are just a cover for other difficulties.
People often confuse trust with security. One does not exclude the other. «I trust you, but that doesn’t mean you’re healthy.» This creates difficulties in new relationships, when people quickly become attached to each other. But for one-time connections, this is not a problem.
Who buys condoms?
Half of the respondents believe that men and women are equally responsible for contraception. Both of them should have condoms with them. However, in practice, most women expect men to buy and bring them.
Buying condoms means admitting that you have sex for pleasure. Many women feel uncomfortable because of this. «What will people think if I carry them with me?»
But when condoms are not available, you may find yourself in a much more difficult situation. Yes, some men may be embarrassed by the fact that you keep them at home or carry them with you.
In fact, it proves that you didn’t act recklessly with other partners.
If you still have questions, you can answer like this: “I should not make excuses. If you think that I sleep with everyone, that’s your right, but then you don’t know me at all. Are you sure we should be together?»
Most importantly, we need to talk more about condoms, honestly and openly. Thanks to this, your relationship will become stronger, happier and more reliable.